Thanks to Everyone's Input! Particularly Tool Pants! I was finally able to get my top open manually thanks to the help I received from the Renntech boards. If only I could turn to such good advice for dealing with my girlfriend!
I would like to include a recap for anyone else's future reference on how to manually get one's top down when it fails. By the way, this only chronicles the beginnings of my ongoing cable replacement saga. This information may be particularly useful for those who want to use their hardtops when the top fails.
Getting into the Service Position when Top is Stuck Up
1) Reach rather blindly between the roll hoops of your boxster (take out the windstops there and between the roll hoops if you need to) and unclip the long black plastic connection holding the rear of the dust cover.
2) Continuing to reach rather blindly, unhook the two small ball joints connected to cables.
3) Go into your car, key in ignition, handbrake up, unlatch top, and slowly open the clamshell (just a crack- 4 inches up max otherwise you'll accidentally bend your clamshell slightly like I did). Of course, if you can somehow free your clamshell by releasing the black metal ball joints connected to the v lever bolted to your transmission, that is definitely preferred: no potential bending of clamshell.
4) We're trying to get the rear of the top into the service position, so this is tricky: carefully jostle free the released rear portion of the top from the clamshell and flip it towards your "b pillar": you are now in the service position.
Unhinging the Black Ball Joints and Then the Red Ball Joints
*Note*: Both ball joints take a lot of force to remove, especially the metal black joints! However be patient, careful (use towels, etc), and at peace as you know those service techs would be doing similar operation with less care.
1) My ball joints were on really tight, so I went around looking to purchase the tool that Mark and Toolpants used in another post as an alternative to the Porsche toolkit's lever tool which didn't work well for me. It looks like a big flathead screwdriver with a V opening at the end. I went to Sears and Lowes without any luck. Go to your local Pep Boys and ask not for a ball joint removal tool but for a door panel removal tool as Toolpants and Mark state. The tool is produced by Lisle Corporation/ part #35400/ named "Door Upholstery Remover." It did the trick for me!
2) On each side, patiently and carefully pry off the black ball joints first. They're immediately visible with the top in the service position even when the top is stuck up.
3) With the black ball joints freed, grasp the clamshell in the middle and lift up and towards the rear until the clamshell is completely secure.
4) Trickier to locate are the red plastic ball joints. Here's how to find 'em. Following the v lever that the black ball joints were attached to, follow the metal rod, and at the end, near the pillar behind the passenger compartment is the red ball joint. In the top closed position, it may appear difficult to pry them up, but use the Porsche tool, NOT the pep boys tool to carefully pry it out from the ball joint... you do not want to snap that red plastic piece, be wary!
5) You've freed the rest of the top!
You're Almost There!
1) Get the help of a relatively mechanically inclined friend, and carefully lower the top with the clamshell fully open.
2) Push the rear part of the roof back down, like back in the closed position.
3) Grasp the top and KEEPING AN EYE OUT FOR BOTH THE BLACK AND RED BALL JOINTS SO THAT THEY DON"T GET CAUGHT in the mechanism, lower the top towards the rear. Watch out ESPECIALLY FOR THE RED BALL JOINT, as that gave me the most headache. So much so that I had to loosen the nut holding one of my red ball joints and slip it out and reattach it for fear of damaging anything.
4) Make sure to place towels between the layers of the top... my Porsche dealer warned that this is very important.
5) Finally, close the clamshell carefully, watching for the freely moving black ball joint shock/arms.
Good Luck!
This is how far I've gotten in the past two days or so, I hope this quickens the pace for others who have sufferred from unexpected top failure. Now, with the clamshell out, the experts say you can inspect the cables attached to the motor, and indeed, one of mine has gotten far too short. This somewhat troublesome process will familiarize you with your top's mechanism and help you begin inspecting for cable/transmission repairs as covered on the board.